Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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