Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
