We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
