I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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