You really coming over, don't trick.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
