I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
