You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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