Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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