Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
