My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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