She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
