I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
