just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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