Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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