I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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