I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
