He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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