Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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