Are we in a gay sports bar?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
