How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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