Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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