I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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