Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Randomize
