I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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