not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
