I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
