You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
