whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
