Having a random hookup so left but love u
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is Oprah even human
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
