My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
