Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
