remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
