And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
