On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
