Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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