1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
