You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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