a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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