I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
