last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
