I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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