I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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