i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
