Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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