so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
