Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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