i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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