We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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