omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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