would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
